Zeno's

My Dad was notorious for loving to stay at roadside motels, travel camps with one room, left overs from the 30's, and 40's.  Well, the conference I attended this week was from that same play book.  Take a gander at these:

Best Beat a Path Here Friends!

Chairs also Serve as Handy Security Measures.

Park Right Outside Your Door!

It's Like Shag, But With A Buzz Cut.  Note the White Thermostat Plate laying on the Floor.

That "70's" Wallpaper & Border.  Note the Beamed Ceilings.

I Was Tempted To Take These Unwired Wall Sconces Home With Me.

The Lobby . . .Frozen in Time . . . . 1978?

I Should Have Run When I Walked In.  Unfortunately, I was Blinded by the Christmas Decorations . . . Or Was It Easter, Around The Fireplace.

More Than just Airports

A follower of this blog, as well as a colleague, suggested that I start doing two things.  One is the take pictures of what I see so I can add to the commentary of in airport sightings.  The second was to expand to those places that I am paid to go visit and work at.  I'll try the first soon (pictures in airports) now that I've learned to suppress the flash on the old "Crackberry." Gotta be careful because you never can tell who might just want to kick the sh-t out of you for taking their picture.

The second will be my most recent visit and the hotel I stayed at.  Pictures included.  Stand by.

Atlanta

ATL:  Ah, the Heartsfield - Jackson Atlanta International Airport.  The unnamed and final ring of hell from Dante's Inferno.  Why unnamed?  Cuz he's still in here somewhere and can't get that chapter to his publisher.  They say that when you die, all souls have to transit this airport.  If you've been real good, your journey through it will be a short, living Hell.  Bad?  Well then Purgatory is a few hundred years here, Real bad?  You'll get routed to your final destination via Delta Airlines. . . . may God have mercy . . . . you know the rest.

"Daisy Dukes.":  Um, "Daisy Dukes" look good on . . . . . . Daisy Duke.  They don't look good on you if that's what you were wearing to catch that man that helped you conceive the three-year-old you are currently chasing around the terminal.  The low cut peasant blouse is, um, . . . . . Where the hell is What Not To Wear anyway?

Coral Creature.  A woman has on a hat that's twice as big as her head.  It's bright red and looks like one of those spiny coral creatures that you see on the National Geographic Chanel.  I tried to get picture of it, but I gotta see how I turn the flash off on the old BB.  If it's on and you startle one of them red'un's outside their natural habitat, no telling if you'll come out of the experience alive.  More later.

The Journey Begins

Sunday the 25th.  Traveling to a working meeting outside of St. Louis, MO.

Departure Airport:  RIC

Boxer shorts. I'm traveling today. @ the airport for leg 1 of my journey. I'm looking at a guy who appears to be wearing his underwear as his outer garments. Boxer shorts, tee-shirt, flip-flops, ball cap backward, backpack and sunglasses. Can't wait for when the guy in his "tighty-whiteys" shows up!

Rugs:  You know, if you don't want to embrace your baldness, you know maybe you've got a misshaped melon like mine, then why not go all out.  All Out?  Spend some money.  Make sure that the "Rug" doesn't look like one and that it's not the hair color you had at 18 and you're in your 60's.

Another Big'un:  I'm a big guy and will admit that I always need to shed a few pounds.  However I started out life in the Army and it forced me to keep myself in shape.  I don't support a draft, but at some point in an Americans life they should be forced to get themselves in the best shape they've ever been in.  Something to be said for having someone scream at you telling you just how out of shape you are.  Any way.  So, the "Big'un" I'm seeing is about 5'10" and about 30ish.  He's wearing a burnt orange polo shirt that is stretched tight around his 300 lbs frame.  It gives you a peak of his belly because it won't drape far enough down to cover it.  Nice new shorts and tennis shoes.  He's leaning against an unused ticket counter and talking on the phone in an animated manner.  It's the leaning that really catches my eyes.  Brings to mind a friend of mine who had gained a tremendous amount of weight and leaned against things the same way.  A precursor to the cardiovascular system beginning to be way over taxed.  Not good for such a young guy. 

Groups:  OK.  So we have a group of people traveling together.  About 20 of them  They've decided to take over the walking space that everyone has to transit to go from gate to gate.  It's their space damn it!  Everyone else better walk around!  Oh good, now the flight we all need to get on has disgorged its passengers and the run into the wall of people who will not move.  If it weren't for the Southern accents, I could swear I was back in Silicon Valley.

Next stop, Atlanta.

Traveling Sunday, April 25th

Two major airports and then a one day business meeting.  then two more major airports, a two day customer visit and back home Thursday night.  Should be some good stuff to see through my skewed eyes.  :-)

Icelandic Prediction

The volcanic eruption in Iceland has shut down all air travel to and from Europe. The prediction? US airlines will use this a convenient excuse / out to make air travel here even more of a living hell than it is. :-)

Wool Watch caps and B'inessmen

Two sightings yesterday at a conference on a college campus.


Wool Watch Cap. I see a young man. Like a good number of young men today, he's doughy in appearance.. . . meaning that he's probably about 20 lbs overweight and has no muscle tone. Starting at the top:

• A maroon "watch cap" pulled over the ears but in the shape of the "Cone Head" characters from SNL. I-pod ear buds are plugged into his hidden ears. It's 80 degrees out . . . I'm guessing it's cold out for him.

• Gray Tee-Shirt with the faded, washed-out emblem of some band that is stretched across the beginning of a "do" (see this url for the full description of what I'm talking about: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dicky%20do ).

• A kids Backpack that barely fits. You can see the straps digging into his shoulders.

• Next are the plaid shorts. They appear Burberryesque but aren't quite.

• Then, the "Whale Belly White" of his hairy legs that draw your eyes down to the stark contrast of his black, yes, I said black low cut socks. Feet are encased in what at one time may have been low top Converse's

• A "chick magnet" . . . . . although I'm thinking that his polarization is off.

The B’inessman. Meeting is designed as a networking opportunity. At the end of the presentation we have the usual milling around to discuss possible business opportunities when I am stopped in my tracks. This guy is probably retired military since the meeting is close to a military installation. Starting at the top:

• He needs a haircut . . . . either that, or he needs to stop cutting his own hair.

• Facial hair . . . . needs attention..

• The suit looks like it's gray double breasted and, why yes, it is. It looks like he and it were probably in style about a good 15 years ago.

• Nice shoes, but over the top for the this outfit.

• Now for what made me stop. He's wearing a black and white flannel, button down collar shirt, with a bright red tie that barely makes it over the "do" (See above for the "do" explanation).

• As I've said to my children "I wanna look just like him when I grow up."

Happy Travels!

Good Friday Travel Part 4

A continuation of the muses I had while traveling on Good Friday.That's it.  Heading to a conference this week, unfortunately no airports, but I'm sure that I'll have a few things to ponder.

Cool, or Uncool? So, riddle me this. I'm going to describe what I saw and you can tell me if it's cool, or uncool. Remember, I don't make this stuff up, it's what I see.


     • Fanny Packs. Cool or not? The one I saw was worn by a 40ish male in painted on Levi's, skin tight tee-shirt, leather cowboy hat ala Don Williams era (http://www.starpulse.com/Music/Williams,_Don/ ), a beat up pair of Bruno Magli loafers and a pair of Oakley sunglasses.
     • Matching Shirts. Or sweaters, or sweat-suits, take your pick. And it's not from a company’s logo or a sports team. It's meant to be "cute". Cool or not?
     • Wearing your Sunglasses on the back of your head. Male, early 60's. He's got money because the jeans, shirt and blazer he's wearing probably cost him the equivalent of the GDP of a third world country. Cool, or uncool?
     • Tats. The one I'm looking at is brand new and on the calf of a guy who looks like a 45 year old version of the character Alan Garner in The Hangover. . . . the heavy one with the beard. This guy is sporting a Curley Howard Stooge haircut. I'm thinking that alcohol and maybe "Roofies" were involved with the dragon? on his calf. Cool or not?


Gate/Aircraft Etiquette. Here are some things that help to increase the old BP when you are stuck in the “belly of the beast” we call airline travel:


     • Exiting the aircraft. After you land, why is it that about 1/2 of the flight stops just beyond the check-in counter to adjust their bags, look aimlessly at signs, or for no apparent reason? Drives me up the wall.
     • Boarding The Flight. I love it when Zone 7 stands in the way of Zones 1 through 6 as they try to get on the plane. You don't get there any faster by blocking the way.
     • Overhead Storage. From time to time, I will upgrade (I pay). As I get on, I see some guy putting his shit on my side, filling up the space above me. Also see those who are in the last row take space in front of everyone else. Arrogant asses.

That's it for now. 

Good Friday Travel, Part 3

Last installment for today.  I've got more, but I do have a life. 

Mullets.  Yep, they are still out there.  Fascinated by mullets?  Want to recapture your youthful look?  Looking for a new way to display your mullet?  Then check this out:  http://www.mulletjunky.com/picfix1.htm

Traveling With Kids.  Having traveled with my own kids in airports, I know that it takes a Herculean effort to keep them under your watchful eyes.  Looks like these kids may have been dropped here shortly after their birth. . . . . I can udersdtand why.  "Feral Children" will be the next nightly news expose.

"Fish Bowls."  In some places, where smoking has not been banned entirely, you can see a "Fish Bowl" on each side of a terminal, such as Atlanta.  In these "Fish Bowls" you'll see a collection of people desperately sucking in as much cigarette smoke as the can.  Next time you are in an airport that has one of these, slow down and take it in.  It's really quite sad.  Truth in advertising here, I'm a reformed smoker myself.

More tomorrow!

Good Friday Travel Observations 2

Happy Easter!  Here's a continuation of what I saw and that caused the muse to come out on Friday.

Stilettos.  An airport has an underlining sound.  Kind of like the buzz of a beehive would be the best way to describe it.  Occasionally you hear the "beep, beep, beep" of the assistance cart ferrying people from one gate to another.  However, there is also another sound you'll hear.  Off in the distance it begins . . . . "Clack, clack, clack, click, clackity click, clack, clack."  This sounds demands that you look for it through the flow of humanity in front of you.  There.  There is where the noise is coming from; a woman wearing stiletto heels.  She marches with a purpose, demanding to be observed.  You are standing at gate 8, she's come from gate 32, the other end of the terminal.  Then you focus on the source of the noise.  Her feet are jammed into those things.  How can they possibly be comfortable?  You ask yourself . . . . "What the Hell is up with that?" 

Travel Fashion.  Today everyone is either going home for Easter or starting their Spring Break.  It's one of the first warm days we've had in a long time.  People have broken out the Summer attire.  My only thought is . . . . . . Last year's clothes, this year's body.

Speaking of Travel Fashion.  There are going to be reunions today; reunions of lovers.  Some of the women that are wearing the "clickity clacks" are heading to meet their husband, boyfriend, the person next to them on the last flight . . . . They are wearing what appears to be either a sweat-band or a tube top for a dress.  What I have euphemistically heard called the "one tug."

Friday, April 2nd's Observations 1

I've got lot's of notes to share from yesterday. This is Phase 1 before I head out for the day. In no particular order:

- Catchers. I'm always amazed at the number of guys who have obviously just left a softball game where they were playing catcher and haven't taken the time to take the ball cap off, or turn it around. I know it's a fashion statement and I know I'm out of step. However, I just can't make the leap it takes to imagine that any serious synapses could be happening deep under that cap.

- Bob Marley. Look! It's Bob Marley!. No, wait, that's him over there . . . . . no, that's him. There he is again! Wow, who'da thunk they would have cloned him first.

More later.

Not an Airport, but . . . . .

I know, I know, this is suppossed to be about what I see in airports but . . . .

I routinely do business with retired military. The following is from a conference I attended yesterday:

I'm in a room that's jam packed with old fat farts in penny loafers, khaki pants, blue button down collar Oxford shirts, the appropriate regimental stripped tie and a Navy Blue sport coat. Geezus, it's a "Harmonic Convergence."

More observations from the airport later. I'm flying and it's Good Friday! How many people will be traveling with chicken coops, folded mattresses, and in their underwear? Stand by . . . . . :-)